Three Basic Human Needs
Our ancestors survived only by holding together in tribes and communities in order to meet the three basic human needs.
Humans are social animals. Because we are not particularly fast, nor do we have long claws and sharp teeth, humans existed in the middle of the food chain for tens of thousands of years. Our ancestors survived only by holding together in tribes and communities – and by working together, we have thrived over time.
Through this pattern of evolution, we have come to rely on others, as well as ourselves, in order to meet the three basic human needs: to feel safe, to feel heard, and to feel useful.
To Feel Safe
The most basic human need is to feel safe. If you don’t feel safe, you cannot do very much besides focus your attention and action on establishing a state of safety. The basics – shelter, food, clothing sufficient to the weather, and so on – must be met before you can do much of anything else
This also extends to feeling safe in relationship. Personal development and growth is very challenging when you are in an abusive or non-supportive relationship. Here, too, most of your attention is directed to feeling safe.
To Feel Heard
Having someone to be able to hear you – to not only understand your words, but also the meaning behind them, what you are trying to express – is the next basic human need. Being heard indicates that you are valuable. If you are not feeling heard, you likely feel valueless, powerless, and possibly even invisible.
One way to improve your ability to feel (or be) heard is to become a good listener. Recognize that people you speak to also have a need to feel heard. Do your best to listen deeply to what people share with you, without judgement and without trying to figure out how to respond to them. With practice, by listening deeply and attentively, you will be able to really hear what they are trying say.
To Feel Useful
Eventually, in the course of personal work, everyone grows into a space in which they feel that it is important to give back to others. Being able to feel safe yourself and to feel heard by others, you don’t have to focus quite so strongly on You. Then, you can share more with your family, friends, and community.
How you might go about feeling useful is a very personal affair. You might love volunteering for a charitable organization or mowing an elderly neighbor’s yard. You might find yourself cooking for someone who is ill, or perhaps cleaning their house. Perhaps your service might be pet-sitting for people away from home. Who knows? The possibilities for service are practically limitless!
Community
Being part of an active community can be a great way to address all three of the basic human needs. In a safe community, not only can you be there for others, but you can also “lean into” community when you need to. In a caring community, you can be assured that you will find someone who can hear you without judgement.
Service to community is a great way also to feel useful. If the community is aligned with your core values, then you will find many opportunities to serve in the overall goals and mission of the community.
Having Fun
Finally, there is one other thing that humans want: to have fun. After all, if you are not having fun, what’s the point?? Having fun borders on also being a basic human need. And, of course, the ability to have fun rests on the other needs having been realized. It is difficult to have fun when you don’t feel safe, heard, or useful.
Once again, being in aligned relationships and community is a great way to get what you need as a social being living in challenging times.
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